Our Blog is on the Move!

Please join us at our new site at http://preachershouse.wordpress.com We have experienced several problems and decided it was easier to start over than to continue patching.

Also, this is our Spring Break and we will be going on another Route 66 trip ending at the Tulsa Workshop. We will try to post this week on our new site. Please leave more comments on resilience if you have not answered the questions post. All of the comments have helped me to make it a better series so keep them coming!

I am not very computer friendly and wordpress seems to be easier for me to figure out. We have categories on the new site that will take you to all of my Marriage on Mondays, Josh's drawings, Resilience posts, posts about songs, family happenings, .... Please check out some of our older posts. If you would like to get to know us more as a family, check out the family happenings posts.

I may post a cartoon for Marriage on Mondays tomorrow if we can figure out how. Otherwise, it will be back on the following Monday so join us then. I cant imagine a whole week without blogging! Surely we will find a computer somewhere!
Kathy

Survey Questions for Being Resilient:

I would love your answers to any or all of questions #1-6. Questions 7-11 are for your own thoughts.

1. What Bible character do you see as being resilient? Why?

2. What Bible character do you see as not being resilient? Why?

3. What scriptures help you to persevere?

4. James 1:2 says: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” How do you find joy when you are in the midst of trials?

5. “Just do it!”, “No pain, No gain”, “By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”, What motivates you?

6. Can you live with out having any regrets? Paul talked about running the race, does 2 Timothy 4:7-8 mean that he lived without regrets?
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Thoughts to Ponder:
Here are some questions for you to think about:

7. Who do you know that is resilient? What have they lived through and why would you describe them that way? What can you learn from them? What have you done to encourage them on their way?

8. “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failures, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory or defeat.” (Theodore Roosevelt) What do you dare to do? Do you have a plan or what are you doing to accomplish this? How are you handling defeat?

9. How do you respond to the smelly little boy with grass stains on his knees and a tummy rumbling with hunger? What about the little girl who shows signs of abuse and a low self-esteem? Do you picture yourself as playing a role in their ability to be resilient and overcome their current life?

10. Who do you need to forgive or who do you need to ask for forgiveness; is it yourself?

11. What character traits do you have that help you to be resilient? What do you need to work on to help you to be more resilient? Take the time to pray a prayer of thanksgiving and of help in these areas.


Thanks for going down this road to resilience with me,
Kathy

How Do You Become a Person of Resilience?

Here are a few suggestions that I can offer:

1. When you are in a hard time, realize it, acknowledge it for what it is and accept it so you can change it. Admit it if you are the cause for your adversity and get help.
(Before Isaiah Kacyvenski’s dad could go into recovery he had to realize that he needed it. Once he was there, he realized what he had done to his family and had to work on mending those relationships.)

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16

2. Forgive if someone else is the cause and seek counsel to resolve your issues with this person. Guilt and anger only hurt you and will prevent you from getting out of your situation. I think that anger is the difference between being a resentful person and a resilient person.

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27

“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

35“This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” Matthew 18:22-35

3. Dream. Decide where, how, or who you want to be and set your mind to be that. Make a decision and take personal responsibility to see it through. Create smaller goals to help you accomplish your ultimate goal. As you accomplish your smaller goals, realize that you have and use them for encouragement to keep going.

24 "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

13 "Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

4. Do not dwell on your circumstance. Look around and see that all people are struggling. Some do have it better, but probably more have it worse. Look for your blessings and rewards. Be thankful for them and cherish them. Also, use your what you have learned through your struggles to assist others.

“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven.” Luke 6:20-23

“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12


5. Do not complain. Remember input in input out – or if you put positive in then you get positive out. If you spend your time complaining or griping about the negative you will only be discontented. Be like Isaiah Kacyvenski and decide not to let anyone out work you or find your own motivation for accomplishing your goals. Also, find positive people to fill your life with and brush off the negative ones.

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe" Phillippians 2:14-15

6. Pray for help and guidance. Ask people to pray for you. Believe that God will answer those requests.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phil 4:6

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:2-5

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Mk 11:24

7. Persevere. It may seem like your struggle will last forever, but it is only temporary. Think of it in terms of what meaning it will have eternally.

2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

8. Find joy: sing, dance, laugh and love.

“I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13


9. Surrender your future to God. Above all, remember you can not become a person of resilience with out Jesus Christ being the Lord of your life. If left to your own merit, none of the things on this list would be truly achievable, let Him be your guide, your strength, your hope, and your reward.

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Many of the suggestions above are ideas taken from the book of James. My editor said yesterday's post was too long and asked me to post the questions from the post on another day. So, I will do that tomorrow. I hope this series is an encouragement to you and has not troubled your life too much. I think it is important to turn our struggles into something useful for us to use to minister to others. It is a painful process but it is an important one. Thanks for your comments, feel free to email me at jasper-jewels@excite.com if you prefer a more private correspondence.

On the Road to Resilience,
Kathy

Isaiah Kacyvenski

I recently saw a television interview with Isaiah Kacyvenski. He grew up with five siblings in extreme poverty with an abusive alcoholic father. "We would walk around on eggshells all day. I remember playing around the house, if something would break, it didn't matter what kid it was, we all had to line up, drop [our] pants, and he would just whip us," he says. "I remember not being able to sit for a week at a time, just in so much pain."

They were so poor that they often had to sleep in tents and were homeless. After their food stamps ran out, they would go for weeks with only having popcorn and dried milk for supper. They also scavenged the dumpsters for food. He recalls the kids at school noticing his grass stained jeans because it would be several weeks between washing. Even his high school sweetheart had to loan him money.

His mother however kept the family’s spirits alive and gave them the attitude that they could conquer anything. She kept them going and nurtured the children through even the toughest times. She was his strength and encouragement to better himself. His biggest goal was to live normal in a house with 2.5 kids and dog. She gave him love when she could give him nothing else.

He decided that a college education was the only way out of his poor world. From an early age, he decided that no one at his school was going to out work him. He said, “I would take what God gave me and max it out every single day.” He studied and started training hard to be an athlete so he could get scholarships. He became an honor student and captain of his football and wrestling teams. The morning of the championship game his senior year, he was awoken with the news that his mom had been ran over and killed. He decided to play anyway and cried the whole way to the game. He stepped on the field and instantly felt a peace come over him like his mother was their cheering for him. He played the best game of his life, but when he stepped off the field, his mother was still dead and he had to deal with the grief. Motivated by his past, he poured himself into his goals. Towards the end of his senior year he received an offer to play at Harvard.

He did go on to Harvard on scholarship. He did lead his team to their first Ivy League title in decades. He did graduate with a degree in environmental science and public policy, and also completed pre-med requirements with honors. He did get drafted into the NFL. He did play as a team captain on the Seattle Seahawks team that won the 2006 Super Bowl (he now plays for the St. Louis Rams). He did marry his high school sweetheart and he did have two kids and a normal house.

What he did not do was walk through his Harvard graduation. After all of the work, he chose to stay at training camp. Instead, he asked his dad to walk for him. After years of hard work recovering from alcohol and mending the relationship with his kids, the father got to accept the diploma for his son’s perseverance. Even more, he got to hear his son say that he forgives him and is proud of the work he had done to recover. They had both worked hard to get onto the track they wanted to be on. The son was living his reward, he just wanted his dad to get one too.

Isaiah wrote in an article for http://www.incrediblepeople.com/people(2001-07-04).htm “When I was drafted by Seattle, it was the culmination of a little boy’s dream and years of hard work. There was no secret potion, no magic hat. It boiled down to hard work and me answering one question: Do I want it bad enough? My path to this point in my life had many twists and turns in which I have fallen and was picked up along the way. Now my family and I wouldn’t have to worry about where our next meal came from, or if we could make it through another cold shower in the dead of winter anymore.
I remember nights when my mom would hold me and tell me how she was going to win the lottery and scoop us up and whisk us away to paradise. Well, each of us kids did win the lottery in our own special way. But she’s already in paradise....”

I share his story because he epitomizes a difficult life: poverty, abuse, and the death of his mom - his biggest supporter. He also is an example of hard work, will, and positive influences that produced a resilient person. I think most people would have crawled under a rock and wanted to die. He used his past difficulties to motivate him to change his situation. He persevered and worked his way to being resilient. He also allowed himself to forgive his father and be an encouragement to him. He is a great example. Because I have not done his story justice, I encourage you to read more about him at the above web address and at http://www.usatoday.com/sports/football/nfl/seahawks/2006-04-12-kacyvenski-feature_x.htm. He was also featured on Oprah and his interview with her can be found on Oprah.com.

I have several friends with similar tales. They have taught me a tremendous amount about how to be resilient. Do you have a great example of resilience in your life?

On the road to resilience,
Kathy

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:3-5

On The Road To Resilience

Can you answer yes to any of these questions?
Did you grow up in a difficult environment? (poverty, abuse, drugs, street crime, sickness, dysfunctional family…)
Do you live in a difficult environment currently?
Have you lost loved ones?
Have you taken care of a loved one with a life threatening or long term illness or have you had one?
Do you have children with a long term illness or drug abuse?
Did you have more positive or negative role models or influences growing up?
Do you feel your whole life is based on a lie?
Did you have a family member or have you been incarcerated?
Have you wondered where your next meal was going to come from, or where you would be able to sleep that night, or if you could pay any of your bills?

These are just a few reasons I can think of that someone could say that they have had difficulties in their lives. If you did answer yes, how have you responded to your situation? Have you been resilient?

I have been thinking about resilience quite a bit lately. Am I teaching my kids to persevere, and bounce back during hard times? Or am I teaching them either through my example or by coddling allowing them to be whiners who can not get themselves through a difficult experience. Do I even have resilience myself?

The funny thing about the most resilient people in my life is that they have lived through several things on the list and yet they do not think that they have had a hard life. They see other people as having gone through much more than themselves. Most of the people that I would describe as not very resilient have had to go through far less, but perceived their situation as horribly bad. They think everyone has it better and are not able to see past their immediate problem. So before going on, decide if your problems are real or perceived.
What is resilience? It is defined by Webster’s as “capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change”.

What are some of the qualities of resilient people? I think they have developed an innermost motivation that allows them to persevere. They have a hope that carries them through the bleak times. They find their encouragement in what truly matters to them. They are survivors, who do not let obstacles and trials be the definition to their existence. They have an inner strength that renews their spirit and helps make them feisty conquerors. There is a true sense of elasticity that helps them to bounce back on track after being delivered tough defeat.
The story of Naomi found in the book of Ruth is one of resilience. She lost her husband, and both sons to death. She had nothing but the desire of her daughter-in-law Ruth to join her when she returned home. This was a great encouragement, but I am sure she felt responsibility for her. She could have lived the rest of her life in morning but she chose to help Ruth make decisions to improve her life. The end result was seeing Ruth marry and Naomi was able to care for her grandson Obed. She also became an important link in the genealogy of David and Jesus because of her resilience.

Look at the story of Joseph. He was hated by his brothers to the extent he was sold in slavery. God was with him and he was successful in everything he did, but he was still a slave and was falsely accused and thrown in prison. He continued to serve and do right by God and rose to a position of greatness that eventually saved the brothers that hurt him. He persevered, God helped him to be resilient and he was rewarded.

Just like these Bible characters, we too will be restored. God will help us to persevere and be resilient through our trials. It is when we are most powerless that He can be the strongest in our lives. We must trust in Him and He will be our encouragement, motivation, inner strength, elasticity, and our hope. It is through God that we persevere and are able to be survivors.

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35-39

Think about the qualities you possess that help you to be resilient. I would like to know what you would add to the list.
Kathy

Marriage On Mondays - Final installment Eph 5 A Golden Band with a Golden Rule

Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

There once was a little kid that was called into the principal’s office for hitting someone. When the principal asked him why he did it he responded, “I was taught in Sunday School to do unto others before they do to you.” Unfortunately, I think we tend to have this same attitude in marriage. We get the directive of the Golden Rule changed around so it protects us and not so it is looking out for the other person. God intended on each of us loving each other first so that we would treat the other person the way we would want to be treated.

Genesis 2:23-24 says that Eve taken from Adam was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, but was also united with him to make one flesh. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mt.19:5-6. Our marriage bond is the strongest relationship that we can have with someone. However it is true that we often hurt those who are closest to us more than we would a stranger. If we are united as one flesh, why would we want to hurt each other?

Ephesians 5:33 sums up the chapter by restating that if the husband loves the wife than the wife should love the husband by respecting him. I think we get caught up in the details of this chapter. We are offended by being in submission to each other and what it means to love as Christ loves the church. But very simply it goes back to the basics of marriage being the same as our other relationships with even a stronger need to do what God commanded.
Kathy

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:14 (The above cartoon is not how to do it.)

The Farmer and the Seed

Then Jesus said to them, "Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? The farmer sows the word. Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—thirty, sixty or even a hundred times what was sown." Mark 4:13-20

You teach people about Jesus and some accept it and some do not.

Josh